Since the last South Park, you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartman's lineage… will not be seen tonight, so that we can bring you the following special presentation.
Catalog
Trey Parker
Randolph Severn "Trey" Parker III (born October 19, 1969) is an American actor, animator, writer, director, producer, singer, and songwriter. He is known for co-creating South Park (1997–present) along with his creative partner Matt Stone, as well as co-writing and co-directing the Tony Award-winning musical The Book of Mormon (2011). Parker was interested in film and music as a child, and attended the University of Colorado, Boulder following high school, where he met Stone. The two collaborated on various short films, and starred in a feature-length musical, titled Cannibal! The Musical (1993). Parker and Stone moved to Los Angeles and wrote their second film, Orgazmo (1997). Before the premiere of the film, South Park premiered on Comedy Central in August 1997. The duo, who possess full creative control of the show, have since produced music and video games based on the show, which continues to run. They worked on a feature film titled South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999), which received critical acclaim by both critics and fans. Alongside Stone, he has also produced various feature films and television series, including Team America: World Police (2004
Since the last South Park, you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartman's lineage… will not be seen tonight, so that we can bring you the following special presentation.
Terrance: Scott really hates us, Phillip. Phillip: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic. Terrance: But we're not gay, Phillip. Phillip: We're not?
Cartman: Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she's my dad, who's my mom? Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor? Cartman: ARGH, FORGET IT!
Nurse: When was the fetus conceived? Mrs. Cartman: Eight years ago. Nurse: So that would make the fetus— Mrs. Cartman: Eight years old. Nurse: That places you in what we call the fortieth trimester.
Kenny: Oh my God! They killed Mephisto! Kyle: You bastards!
Cartman: For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison: No, I can't say I have. Cartman: Oh good. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then…
Randy Marsh: Uh yes, officer? Cartman: I clocked you at 40 MPH back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah? Randy: Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 MPH. Cartman: Step out of the car, please, sir. Randy: Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend? Cartman: Sir, step…
Mayor: The Chickenfucker struck again last night. Kyle: Oh, no! Officer Barbarady: Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the 'chicken lover.' Mayor's Assistant: This time he made love to Carla Weathers's prize chicken. She's catatonic. Barbrady: Who? Carla Weathers or…
Officer Barbarady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of its garbage, and because of this piece of shoot, I'm never reading again. Stan/Kyle: Hooray for Barbarady!
The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.
I'm tired of your right-wing authoritative bullshit!
I'm tired of your right-wing authoritative bullshit!
Dr. Schwartz: His father had it, his grandfather had it and...his brother had it. Kyle: [horrified] No. No, it's not possible. Dr. Schwartz: We're not going to cut it off. We're just going to snip it so that it looks bigger. Stan: Oh, hey, dude, that didn't sound like a bad idea. Cartman: Yeah, I…
Kyle: You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about. Stan: Yeah! Kyle: And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. Except for Cartman. Stan: Naturally. Cartman: Screw you guys! I don't want to be…
Stan: Boo! Mr. Mackey: Who was that? That is not appropriate behavior, m'kay? Stan: [imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] I'm sorry Mr. Mackey, m'kay. Mr. Mackey: That's okay. Just don't let it happen again, m'kay. Kyle: [imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] We won't let it happen again Mr. Mackey, m'kay.
Chef: Giant snake? Killing everybody? Growing bigger? [looks at the women surrounding him] Children, you know I rarely say this but—well—fudge ya. [hangs up, sings] Simultaneous, you and me! Kyle: What did he say? Stan: Dude, I think he told us to go fuck ourselves. Cartman: Wow! Kyle: How's that…
Mrs. Crabtree: Don't get off the bus or a big scary monster will eat you! [she gets off the bus] Butters: Hey, why isn't the monster eating her? Kyle: Because, dumbass, monsters don't eat fat, ugly, smelly bitches. Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Kyle: I said 'Larry King won't grant me three…