Unknown

1,631 quotes

“Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much? Because every single buck is dear to him!”

“Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem.”

“How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life.”

“What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint-nickel-less.”

“What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat? Hits a gnome and runs.”

“Why don’t crabs ever give to charity? Because they are shellfish.”

“Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.”

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”

“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”

“What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”

“Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.”

“Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing.”

“What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.”

“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food. No atmosphere.”

“Wanna hear a joke about the paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.”

“What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.”

“How do you make a Kleenex dance? ‘Put a little boogie in it!’”

“What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.”

“What do you call cheese that’s by itself? Provolone.”

“There’s the one percent that’s super rich...and the one percent that manages to get pregnant while taking birth control.”