A.P. Bio

“I like you and I'm glad I met you, and I don't know. I don't know, you just make me happy to be in Toledo.”

— Brendan Jennings, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“His soulmate is on a date with a strong, handsome milk celebrity.”

— Brendan Jennings, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Victor Kozlowski, Jacob Houston, imdb.com

“I'm gonna go get a picture of them for my vision board.”

— Brendan Jennings, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Principal Durbin, Patton Oswalt, imdb.com

“I'll go do a little harmless flirting. But there will be no tequila and no banging.”

— Brendan Jennings, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“Do colleges have communal showers? I'm scared guys will make fun of my flat butt.”

— Michael Patrick O'Brien, Brendan Jennings, Victor Kozlowski, Jacob Houston, imdb.com

“It's like I've been on an escalator, you know? And if I'm not careful I'm gonna get my shoelaces caught in that escalator. It's gonna pull me in and it's gonna grind me into a pulp.”

— Brendan Jennings, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“Hey, I realized that this friendship is, it's fools gold.”

— John Solomon, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Principal Durbin, Patton Oswalt, imdb.com

“You gotta own your talent.”

— Amy Hubbs, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“Here, put this pudding cup on the floor. I'm going to dive into it.”

— Amy Hubbs, Helen Henry DeMarcus, Paula Pell, imdb.com

“I am a grown-ass woman, and sometimes I want to make bad decisions, so let me.”

— Paula Pell, Mary Wagner, Mary Sohn, imdb.com

“This is happening to you. Deal with it.”

— Paula Pell, Anthony Lewis, Eddie Leavy, imdb.com

“When a man cries, nothing feels safe.”

— Paula Pell, Heather, Allisyn Ashley Arm, imdb.com

“You messy son of a gun!”

— Rob Klein, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Helen Henry DeMarcus, Paula Pell, imdb.com

“I'm going to stay here and sing every once in a while. It'll be like vocal bread crumbs.”

— Rob Klein, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Anthony Lewis, Eddie Leavy, imdb.com

“I think I smashed my butt.”

— Rob Klein, Michael Patrick O'Brien, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“And of course the swastikas that were on the latest newsletter were supposed to have been octopuses. I am a very bad artist, and I apologize to any student I may have offended.”

— Michael Patrick O'Brien, Rob Klein, Principal Durbin, Patton Oswalt, imdb.com

“You wanna get twisted, you've gotta save jazz.”

— Donick Cary, Emily Cutler, Heather, Allisyn Ashley Arm, imdb.com

“Last time I was on a stakeout, I was waiting for a Taco Bell to open. Did you know that they close sometimes? I guess to mop?”

— Donick Cary, Emily Cutler, Stef Duncan, Lyric Lewis, imdb.com

“Here's your ass lanyard.”

— Donick Cary, Emily Cutler, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“All right, if you guys don't know how and when to 'ooh' then just don't 'ooh' at all.”

— Donick Cary, Emily Cutler, Jack Griffin, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com