Show

Seinfeld

by Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Cherones, Barbara Stock and 696 others

Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998. It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version

(684 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (15)Season 2 (55)Season 3 (101)Season 4 (109)Season 5 (97)Season 6 (82)Season 7 (83)Season 8 (79)Season 9 (59)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (476)Larry David (265)Jason Alexander (179)George Costanza (179)Michael Richards (99)Cosmo Kramer (99)Larry Charles (92)Peter Mehlman (91)Elaine Benes (59)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (59)

“Listen, I wouldn't put too much stock into what Elaine has to say about relationships. She comes from a broken home, and I mean that literally. A tree fell on her roof and cracked the whole structure. Her parents got along beautifully, but her house was in bad shape.”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Broken Homes

“This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, here's the one thing you've gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality; it's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and th…”

— Peter Mehlman, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Sex, Virginity, cuddling

“Yeah, since she met him she's been vomited on, her family cabin's been burned down, she learned her father's a homosexual, and she got fired from a high-paying network job. Yeah, they had a real good thing going.”

— Peter Mehlman, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Bad Luck, Outing, Sarcasm

“You know, they always remember the first time. I don't want to be remembered. I wanna be forgotten.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Virginity, first time, Being Forgotten

“Would you believe my luck? The first time in my life I have a good answer to the question, ‘What do you do?’ and I have a girlfriend. I mean, you don't need a girlfriend when you can answer that question. That's what you say in order to get girlfriends. Once you can get a girlfriend, you don't want…”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: girlfriends, status, Employment

“I had some friends drag me to an opera recently, you know how they've got those little opera glasses, you know, do you really need binoculars, I mean how big do these people have to get before you can spot 'em? These opera kids they're going two-fifty, two-eighty, three-twenty-five, they're wearing…”

— Larry Charles, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Opera, Binoculars, Optometry

“The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by women because they know that men a…”

— Larry Charles, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Tuxedos, Marriage, Formal Wear, Disposable Men

“The hardest part about being a clown, it seems to me, would be that you're constantly referred to as a clown. ‘Who was that clown?,’ ‘I'm not working with that clown, did you hire that clown?,’ ‘The guy's a clown!’ How do you even start into being a clown, how do you know that you want to be a clown…”

— Larry Charles, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Volkswagen, Clowns, Circus

“‘Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my orgasm has left me a cripple. I don't know how I shall ever get back to work. I love you madly, John. P.S.: Loved the cabin.’”

— Larry David, Susan Ross, Heidi Swedberg, imdb.com

Tagged: Homosexuality, John Cheever, orgasm

“Do I think you're a clown? No, not if it’s bad to be a clown, if it’s bad to be a clown then you are definitely not a clown. But if it’s good to be a clown then, you know, I would have to rethink the whole thing.”

— Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Clowns, Stalkers

“I love that place. My father built that cabin in 1947. My mother was recuperating from impetigo at the time, and dad thought it would be a good idea to get her out into the fresh air. She died there the following winter. And he passed away 10 years later to the day. His last words to me were, ‘Cheri…”

— Larry David, Mr. Ross, Warren Frost, imdb.com

Tagged: Cabins, Family Heirlooms, Parting Wishes

“How come the psychiatrist, every, the hour is only fifty minutes? Wha, what do they do with that ten minutes that they have left? Do they just sit there going, ‘Boy, that guy was crazy. I couldn't believe the things he was saying. What a nut! Who's coming in next? Oh, no, another head case!’”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Psychiatry, Mental Illness

“Poor little Bubble Boy. He's sitting there waiting for you in his bubble, or igloo thing or whatever.”

— Larry Charles, Larry David, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Illness, Oxygen Tent

“Doesn't like you? How can anyone not like you?”

— Larry David, Helen Seinfeld, Liz Sheridan, imdb.com

Tagged: Maternal

“You could be a fireman on a fire truck on the way to a fire. You bump into one of my relatives. ‘I'm sorry Uncle Leo, there's a building full of people burning down. I really do have to be running.’ He'll go: ‘Go. Go ahead. Go to your fancy fire. If that's what you have to do.’”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: procrastination, Rude

“We're lucky they are even interested in the idea in the first place. We got a show about nothing. With no story. What do you think, they're up there going, ‘maybe we should give those two guys, who have no experience and no idea, more money’?”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Prima Donnas, Experience

“Vomiting is not a deal-breaker. If Hitler had vomited on Chamberlain, Chamberlain still would have given him Czechoslovakia.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Adolf Hitler, Neville Chamberlain, Czechoslovakia, World War II

“I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need t…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Artistic Integrity, Mayo, Psychiatry, Elephant Man, Vienna

“I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: NOTHING.”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Nothing

“They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties. They're married, they have secretaries.”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Business, Marriage