Kramer, you don't understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand.
Catalog
Peter Mehlman
Peter Mehlman is an American television writer and producer, best known for serving as a writer and producer on the TV series Seinfeld through nearly all of the show's nine-year run from 1989–98. He also created the 1999 series It's Like, You Know... and produced the 2004 animated series Father of the Pride. Both were short-lived. 2Early career Peter Mehlman began his career as a sportswriter for The Washington Post. He made his first move from print journalism to television writing when, from 1982 to 1984, he wrote for and produced the television series SportsBeat with Howard Cosell. For the next five years he returned to freelance magazine writing in New York for magazines such as The New York Times Magazine, GQ and Esquire. In 1989 he moved to Los Angeles and was offered the opportunity to write a script for Seinfeld by Larry David. As he had never written a script up to that point ("Pre-Seinfeld, I'd barely written any dialogue in my life"), Mehlman submitted instead a short humorous piece he had written for the New York Times Magazine. Jerry Seinfeld was so impressed by the piece that he gave Mehlman a writing assignment, out of which came the series' first freelance episode, "The Apartment." Mehlman was hired for the first full season of Seinfeld as a program consultant (1991–92) and, over the next six years, worked his way up to co-executive producer in the show's last season after Larry David's departur
Mr. Kramer, let me tell you a story. In nineteen-seventy-nine I ticketed a brown Dodge Diplomat for parking in a church zone. That fine was never paid, and since then that scofflaw has piled up more parking tickets than anyone in New York City. For sixteen years I pursued him, only to see him give…
George: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open? Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.
Well, we've gone out several times, we obviously have a good rapport. I own a very profitable electronics-distributing firm. I eat well. I exercise. Blood tests—immaculate. And if I can speak frankly, I'm actually quite good at it.
But I am wearing the ribbon. He is wearing the ribbon. We are all wearing the ribbon! So why aren't you going to wear the ribbon?
Yeah, it was, but then I just couldn't decide if he was really sponge-worthy.
I mean, I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others—I can't be with someone like that.
Elaine, can I just explain something to you very privately here? Susan and I have been together many, many times now, and just between you and me, there's really no big surprises here, so...makeup sex is all that I have left.
If I date a taking person, everyone's taking, taking, taking, no one's giving—it's bedlam.
Swinging? What are you, out of your mind? Look at you, you're disgusting. You're bald, you're paunchy, all kinds of sounds are emanating from your body twenty-four hours a day. If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim…
It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.
I know what you're going through. I too once fell under the spell of opium. It was 1979. I was travelling the Yangtze in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. I had got to the market after sundown. All of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. ‘Just a…
Yeah, I got some family backstage. Course my family's nuts; they're crazy. Yep. My uncle Leo. I had lunch with him the other day, he's one of these guys that anything goes wrong in life, he blames it on anti-Semitism. You know what I mean, the spaghetti's not al dente? Cook's an anti-Semite. Loses a…
All right. Anyway, the point I was making before Goebbels made your hamburger is a man like you could be dating women twenty years younger. C'mon, Uncle Leo, I've seen the way women look at you. When's the last time you looked in a mirror? You're an Adonis! You've got beautiful features, lovely…