Unknown

1,631 quotes

“Yo mama’s so ugly, your dad takes her to work with him every day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.”

“Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.”

“Yo mama so fat, if she walks by the TV you miss all three Lord of the Rings movies.”

“Yo mama’s so fat that when she fell in love she broke it.”

“Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.”

“Yo mama is so nasty, she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh!”

“Yo mama is so hairy, when you were born you almost died of rug burn.”

“Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and left with a job application.”

“People are willing to pose nude for artists they don’t even know – color me cautious, I think it seems sketchy.”

“Prostitute 1: What should we do tonight? Horror movies? Prostitute 2: I say movies.”

“Any pants can be considered high-wasted if the person wearing them drinks and smokes enough.”

“My puns may be cheesy, but I still think they’re pretty gouda.”

“Craigslist is a unique place where you can find a one-night stand or one nightstand.”

“Pizza chefs who have flour on their face at the end of a long shift call that a 5-o’clock shadough.”

“I saw a guy hold up his little boy to shield his eyes from the brightness and I thought, I hope he doesn’t lose those son-glasses.”

“Have you seen the pyramid schemes in Egypped?”

“Fall clothing really wears on my bank account. I want to stop buying, but I always end up swiping my debit cardigan.”

“Maybe it’s Maybelline, but what if it isn't? People shouldn’t just MAKEUP these insinuations.”

“I can’t eat breakfast without a couple slices of wheat on the side because I’m lack-toast intolerant.”

“If you hate when people pull up next to you at a stoplight staring, revving up their engine and speeding off, you’re race-ist.”