Show

Family Guy

Sick, twisted, politically incorrect and Freakin' Sweet animated series featuring the adventures of the dysfunctional Griffin family. Bumbling Peter and long-suffering Lois have three kids. Stewie (a brilliant but sadistic baby bent on killing his mother

(143 total)

“Oh, I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side, you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know, the...the novel you've been working on. You know, the...the one, uh, you been working on for three years. You know, the... the novel.”

— Mark Hentemann, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: novel, Writing, SASS

“Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore.”

— Mark Hentemann, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Drinking, Drinking Jokes, Drunk

“Lois Griffin: Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car? Peter Griffin: Come on, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love?'”

— Chris Sheridan, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Love, Bribe, SASS

“Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot.”

— Kirker Butler, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Idiot, I'm Not An Idiot, Stupid

“Peter Griffin: Okay, don't panic. We'll just do what people did before the internet. We can play charades. Chris Griffin: Oh, you mean like your marriage? Peter Griffin: [annoyed] Chris, I told you that in confidence.”

— Damien Fahey, Chris Griffin (voice), Seth Green, imdb.com

Tagged: Charades, Marriage, SASS

“Stewie Griffin: I did something awful. Brian Griffin: Do you want to talk about it? Stewie Griffin: [thinks about it for a bit, then answers] Nah.”

— Steven Robertson, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Relatable, Did Something Awful, Don't Want To Talk

“I saw Baywatch. That thing was freakin' rad.”

— Steven Robertson, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Baywatch, Rad, Watching TV

“I'm planning on dying tonight. What are *your* plans?”

— Joseph Lee, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Want To Die, plans, SASS

“Peter Griffin: Oh, hey Lois. I guess you must be happy. Lois Griffin: Yeah, it's every girl's dream to have her husband hoisted out of a food truck in a horse harness.”

— Joseph Lee, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, SASS, Sarcasm

“Donald Trump was right... his daughter *is* a hot piece of ass.”

— Joseph Lee, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump

“Glenn Quagmire: That's a military fighter jet! He's here to shoot us down! Peter Griffin: Or she.”

— Joseph Lee, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Assumptions, Sexism

“How can I be a DJ? I'm just a guy with a laptop and an inflated self image.”

— Joseph Lee, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Arrogant, DJ, DJing

“All right, red light. Time to text and shave and whittle and floss.”

— Joseph Lee, Chris Regan, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Texting, red light, Driving

“You know, you are doing a great job, Chris. Why don't you jerk the rest of the day off.”

— Chris Regan, Glenn Quagmire, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Take The Day Off, Doing A Good Job

“Hey, you know what would be great? If you could talk with even a little bit of inflection in your voice so it doesn't sound so much like a fucking power sander?”

— Seth MacFarlane, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, SASS, Mean Comments

“Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, but we all got to work together.”

— Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, SASS, Tweeting

“Wow, we rolled three gutter balls on these kids, huh?”

— Seth MacFarlane, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com

Tagged: Parenting, Bad Kids, Stupid

“Lois Griffin: Peter, did you rob a bunch of people on the beach with your metal detector? Peter Griffin: Well, that's only half the story. I also hooted at a lady who was breastfeeding.”

— Seth MacFarlane, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: breastfeeding, Metal Detector, Stealing, SASS

“We act like we didn't take a lot from the Simpsons. We took a lot from the Simpsons.”

— Seth MacFarlane, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Sassy, Snark

“Lois Griffin: This is serious. We need to think about our kids' education. Of course, it's already too late for Meg to go to college and Chris is too dumb to get in anywhere. Chris Griffin: Yay! Stewie Griffin: No, Chris. Not yay.”

— Seth MacFarlane, Chris Griffin (voice), Seth Green, imdb.com

Tagged: Stupid, College Education