Season

Season 3

by Mike Henry, Mark Hentemann, Alex Borstein, Alec Sulkin, Danny Smith and 17 others

Family Guy's third season first aired on the Fox network in 22 episodes from July 11, 2001, to November 9, 2003, before being released as a DVD box set and in syndication. It premiered with the episode "The Thin White Line" and finished with "When You Wis

(20 total)

Characters

Seth MacFarlane (18)Peter Griffin (9)Stewie Griffin (6)Danny Smith (4)Alex Borstein (3)Mike Barker (3)Matt Weitzman (3)Mark Hentemann (2)Mike Henry (2)Daniel Palladino (2)

“Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore.”

— Mark Hentemann, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Drinking, Drinking Jokes, Drunk

“They better not be expecting us to give money, because I gave at church last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God.”

— Ricky Blitt, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: God, Donating Money, Faith, Snark

“[in an Amsterdam hash bar] The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.”

— Daniel Palladino, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Deep Thoughts, High Thoughts, Death

“I'd like to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.”

— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, Gene Laufenberg, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, Pissed, You're A Bitch

“Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's gonna grow up to be famous, so just make yourself available.”

— Daniel Palladino, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com

Tagged: life advice, Be Available, Dating and Relationships

“I just want peace on Earth. That's better than being selfish like Meg, right? So I should get more than her.”

— Danny Smith, Chris Griffin (voice), Seth Green, imdb.com

Tagged: I Hate My Sister, Christmas Spirit, Holiday Spirit, Selfish

“Lois Griffin: Brian, you're home early. What happened with your date? Brian Griffin: Same thing that always happens: she was an idiot.”

— Allison Adler, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, Dating Sucks, Dating, Modern Love, Sassy

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up!”

— Danny Smith, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Holiday Spirit, Christmas, Snark, Sassy, Shut The Hell Up

“Brian Griffin: Seriously, who buys a novelty fire extinguisher? Peter Griffin: I'll tell you who: someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his entire family into serious danger, that's who.”

— Danny Smith, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Holiday Spirit, Merry Christmas, Dysfunctional Family

“So you can cook your own damned turkey, wrap your own damned presents - and while you're at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to Hell!”

— Danny Smith, Lois Griffin (voice), Alex Borstein, imdb.com

Tagged: Holiday Spirit, Merry Christmas, annoyed, angry

“Heavens, it appears my wee-wee has been stricken with rigor mortis.”

— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Inappropriate

“You know... I always thought that dogs, uh, laid eggs. And today, I learned something.”

— Seth MacFarlane, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Stupid People, Stupid, Surprised

“I want an apology and some Rice Krispie Treats!”

— Mike Barker, Matt Weitzman, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Hurt Feelings, Need An Apology, Sorry

“Brian Griffin: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract? Peter Griffin: Um... if by 'read' you mean 'imagined a naked lady,' then yes.”

— Mike Henry, Alex Borstein, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, Sassy, Not Paying Attention

“Psychologist: Does Stewart have a history of aggression? Lois Griffin: No, no, hitting Peter is the first violent thing he's ever done. Stewie Griffin: Well, technically the first act of violence was that time bomb I left ticking in your uterus before I came out. Happy 50th birthday Lois!”

— Chris Sheridan, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Evil Baby, Evil, I Hate You Mom, Evil Plan

“Peter Griffin: Run along Stewie, Daddy had a rough night. Stewie Griffin: Why you tottering fen sucked dewberry, I'm going to find something to strike you with, excuse me.”

— Chris Sheridan, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: I Hate Dad, Snark, Evil

“Peter Griffin: Come on, Stewie, your mom and I have something for ya. Stewie Griffin: Oh, let me guess, you've picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! Big shock, a Jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a li…”

— Mark Hentemann, Stewie Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, I Hate You Dad, I Hate You Mom, Sassy, Dying Inside

“You wanna talk about awkward moments? Once, during sex, I called Lois 'Frank.' Your move, Sherlock.”

— Mike Shipley, Jim Bernstein, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Sex, Awkward Sex, awkward, Funny, Relationhips

“Lois might be worth a million dollars to you but to me she's worthless.”

— Mike Henry, Peter Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Worthless, Marriage, mean

“Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?”

— Steve Callaghan, Brian Griffin, Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

Tagged: Snark, shut up, mean, angry