South Park

“The fact is, I couldn't sleep last night, so I took some Ambien. You ever take that stuff? It turns your brains into oatmeal.”

— Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mr. Hankey, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and you've never learned any discipline at all. Randy: But, maybe...I'm just the kind of person who needs to have…”

— Erica Rivinoja, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good…”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“How do you kill that which has no life?”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Horrgash, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“If you want to find some quality friends, you have to wade through all the dicks first.”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Gary Harrison: [to Stan] Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up, but I have a great life, and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all u…”

— Trey Parker, Gary Harrison, Kyle McCulloch, imdb.com

“I'll tell you what happened, son! See, there's a bunch of idiots out there who weren't happy with what they had! They wanted a bigger house and materialistic things that they didn't even need. People with no money who got loans to buy frivolous things they had no business buying. And these assholes…”

— Trey Parker, Randy Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Kyle: You see, I learned something today. Throughout this whole ordeal, we've all wanted to show things that we weren't allowed to show, but it wasn't because of some magic goo. It was because of the magical power of threatening people with violence. That's obviously the only true power. If there's…”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Randy Marsh: Alright, now listen kids. There's some things that we need to put into context for you. You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina for both love and pleasure. But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man facing the other way so that they can put each other's genitals in their…”

— Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“News Anchor: Any word on how the survivors in the town are doing, Mitch? Reporter: We are not exactly sure what is going on inside the town of Beaverton Tom, but we are reporting that there's looting, raping and yes, even acts of cannibalism. News Anchor: My God, you've actually seen people looting,…”

— Kenny Hotz, News Anchor, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Kyle, every boy pays for kisses. Do you know what I am saying? If you’ve got a girl, and she kisses you, sooner or later you’re paying for it. You’ve gotta take her out to lunch, take her to a movie, and then spend time listenin’ to all her stupid problems. Look, look at Stan right there. [Kyle turn…”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Butters: Oh well, when I get a chipotle blue-cheese bacon burger at Bennigan's, I forget all about my dad being queer and my mom is trying to kill me. I'm going to be okay. Stan: Really? Butters: No, I'm lying.”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“...and these are Puff Daddy's kids: P-Diddy Mini, P-Poofy Bite-Size, and Puffa-Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-Size.”

— Trey Parker, Will Smith Jr., Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Truck Driver: Yeah. Too bad you're not a broad, 'cause I need some goddamn poontang. Butters: Yeah. I could use some goddamn poontang myself right now.”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Chef: Parents. There are reasons why teachers can't teach sex in school. They might not know a lot about it, [camera fixes on Mr. Mackey] they might have a bad opinion of it, [camera moves to Ms. Choksondik] or they might just be a complete pervert. [camera moves to Mr. Garrison] Mr. Garrison: Hey!…”

— Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“America may have some problems, but it's our home, our team. And if you don't wanna root for your team, then you should get the hell out of the stadium.”

— Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“You think that sex is about fun and games and love? Wrong! Sex is about disease.”

— Trey Parker, Miss Choksondik, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Didn't you hear the letter? This poor kid has cancer! In his ass!”

— Trey Parker, Thom Yorke, Thom Yorke, imdb.com