Season 2

“Aw, it smells like Kenny's house in here!”

— Nancy Pimental, Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: You suck, Cartman! If you want to play America vs. Bosnia anymore, you can just play with yourself! Cartman: That's fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day long! [Kenny laughs] Cartman: What?”

— Nancy Pimental, Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“I've learned something too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don't have to hang out with a bunch of poor ass losers like you guys. Screw you guys, I'm going home.”

— Nancy Pimental, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Two million dollars?! The only way I can raise that kind of money is by whoring myself to every woman in town!”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“Chef: Giant snake? Killing everybody? Growing bigger? [looks at the women surrounding him] Children, you know I rarely say this but—well—fudge ya. [hangs up, sings] Simultaneous, you and me! Kyle: What did he say? Stan: Dude, I think he told us to go fuck ourselves. Cartman: Wow! Kyle: How's that go…”

— Nancy Pimental, Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“Mrs. Crabtree: Don't get off the bus or a big scary monster will eat you! [she gets off the bus] Butters: Hey, why isn't the monster eating her? Kyle: Because, dumbass, monsters don't eat fat, ugly, smelly bitches. Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Kyle: I said 'Larry King won't grant me three wishe…”

— Nancy Pimental, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Stan: Ready, you guys? Cartman/Kyle: Ready! Stan: Okay. Action! [Cartman poses the frog attached to a string on a stick] Cartman: [mutters] I am the deadly Mexican Staring Frog...of Southern Sri Lanka. I am very scary... and dangerous! Stan: Cut! Cartman! Cartman: What? Stan: It's supposed to be a f…”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Sharon Marsh: Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick? Stan: [screaming] No! I have to get it out!”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Sharon Marsh, April Stewart, imdb.com

“The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“I'm tired of your right-wing authoritative bullshit!”

— Trey Parker, Mackey, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Dr. Schwartz: His father had it, his grandfather had it and...his brother had it. Kyle: [horrified] No. No, it's not possible. Dr. Schwartz: We're not going to cut it off. We're just going to snip it so that it looks bigger. Stan: Oh, hey, dude, that didn't sound like a bad idea. Cartman: Yeah, I wa…”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Kyle: You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about. Stan: Yeah! Kyle: And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. Except for Cartman. Stan: Naturally. Cartman: Screw you guys! I don't want to be i…”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: Boo! Mr. Mackey: Who was that? That is not appropriate behavior, m'kay? Stan: [imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] I'm sorry Mr. Mackey, m'kay. Mr. Mackey: That's okay. Just don't let it happen again, m'kay. Kyle: [imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] We won't let it happen again Mr. Mackey, m'kay.”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Cartman: For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison: No, I can't say I have. Cartman: Oh good. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then…”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Randy Marsh: Uh yes, officer? Cartman: I clocked you at 40 MPH back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah? Randy: Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 MPH. Cartman: Step out of the car, please, sir. Randy: Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend? Cartman: Sir, step ou…”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mayor: The Chickenfucker struck again last night. Kyle: Oh, no! Officer Barbarady: Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the 'chicken lover.' Mayor's Assistant: This time he made love to Carla Weathers's prize chicken. She's catatonic. Barbrady: Who? Carla Weathers or th…”

— David A. Goodman, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Officer Barbarady: Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of its garbage, and because of this piece of shoot, I'm never reading again. Stan/Kyle: Hooray for Barbarady!”

— David A. Goodman, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Cartman: Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she's my dad, who's my mom? Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor? Cartman: ARGH, FORGET IT!”

— David A. Goodman, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Nurse: When was the fetus conceived? Mrs. Cartman: Eight years ago. Nurse: So that would make the fetus— Mrs. Cartman: Eight years old. Nurse: That places you in what we call the fortieth trimester.”

— David A. Goodman, Trey Parker, Ms. Cartman, Mary Kay Bergman, imdb.com

“Kenny: Oh my God! They killed Mephisto! Kyle: You bastards!”

— David A. Goodman, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com