South Park

“Randy Marsh: You do not say 'big silly goose,' you call him an asshole like a normal kid! Stan: But Dad, I was just trying to— Randy Marsh: Stanley, you call your friend an asshole this instant! Stan: [to Cartman] Asshole. Randy Marsh: That's better. Cartman: Don't call me an asshole, you big son of…”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Cartman: Mom, tell them how everyone in your family was big-boned. Tell them how they were fat, but grew into their bodies when they got older. Liane Cartman: Oh, sweetie, those were all lies. You're just fat.”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Jeez, you're a little irritable, Kyle. What's the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: Chef, what's a prostitute? Chef: Dagnabbit children! How come every time you come in here, you gotta be asking me questions that I shouldn't be answering?! 'Chef, what's a clitoris?' 'What's a lesbian, Chef?' 'How come they call it a rim job, Chef?' For once, can't you just come in here and sa…”

— Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: What the hell is that? [walks to the window and looks out] Oh my God! What is that thing?! Children, there's some huge bulbous monstrosity heading for the classroom! [some of the kids slink down in their seats] Oh my God, it's awful! It's coming for the door. [the doorknob turns and th…”

— Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Pip: Joe, do you know anything about women? Joe: Sure! They're those things with vaginas in 'em!”

— Trey Parker, Pip, Malcolm McDowell, imdb.com

“God: [after hearing Satan's story] Jesus, what the heck happened to you? Satan: Huh? God: You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel. And now you're a whiny little bitch.”

— Trey Parker, God, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Hmm. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Hmm, let's see.”

— Nancy Pimental, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Cartman: You guys, I had a dream of how I can make ten million dollars. You ready? ...Boy band. Stan: Boy band? Cartman: Boy band. Kyle: I'm not joining any faggy boy band. Cartman: There's nothing faggy about ten million dollars, asshole!”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Pip: Let's hear it for Cartman's big fat ass! [Cartman throws stone at Pip, who is struck and falls.] Cartman: Do British people count as an ethnicity for hate crimes? Others: Nah. Cartman: Sweet.”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“I do not have sex with boys. I like men my own age. Ah! I mean I like women. Ah! What did I just say? I like titties!”

— Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Radio Announcer: How do you feel about the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt, little boy? Stan: This one time, like eight months ago, I saw two guys kissing in a park. And that was the gayest thing I'd ever seen, until I saw the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt.”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mrs. Cartman: Oh, that's not funny, boys. Eric isn't fat, he's big-boned. Kyle: He must have a huge bone in his ass, then. [Cartman's mom bursts out laughing] Cartman: Goddamn it, Mom!”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: Now kids we're going to talk about sexual harassment. Cartman: Is sexual harassment when you're making out with a girl and a guy tickles your balls from behind? Mr. Garrison: No, Cartman, That's not sexual harassment.”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Hey guys, check out this song I made up, it's called 'I hate you guys.' [singing] I hate you guys! You guys are assholes! Especially Kenny! I hate him the most!”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“We're not going to let them commit suicide, even if we have to kill them.”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, ATF Agent, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Oh, no, there's nothing worse than Cartman with authoritah!”

— Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“We're all a little gay.”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Jimbo, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Stan: Excuse me, we're looking for Chef. Woman at front desk: Chef? Kyle: He's a big guy with a beard. Stan: And a chef's hat. Kenny: And a real huge dick. Woman at front desk: Oh, the black guy. Stan: huh?”

— Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Now, wait a minute. I wanna clear the air here. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon? [everybody around him raises his or her hand] Oh, whatever!”

— Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com