Quotes tagged ‘Women’

“Stan: 'Bros before hos,' Steve. Brothers before whores all day long! Steve: And Mom is the whore in that situation? Stan: All. Day. Long.”

— Erik Durbin, Stan Smith (voice), Seth MacFarlane, imdb.com

“If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say 'If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now.'”

— B.K. Taylor, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“Tim Taylor: I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret, all right? Women, as we know them, are born without a face. Randy Taylor: Bull! Tim Taylor: Listen to me—women are like a Mr. Potato Head. You've heard your mom say every now and then, 'Excuse me, fellas, I've gotta go upstairs and put my fac…”

— Susan Estelle Jansen, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

“Xanthippe Voorhees: You don't have a cell phone? Kimmy Schmidt: Well I had a cell phone, Xan. Obvs. But I lost it. At the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn't give it back. Yeah, Xan. The monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days.”

— Jack Burditt, Robert Carlock, Kimmy Schmidt, Ellie Kemper, imdb.com

“Some men lust for women, and others lust for gold, but I only lust to please the gods.”

— Michael Hirst, Floki, Gustaf Skarsgard, imdb.com

“Plus-size women drive our economy with their purchases of Garfield books and Haagen-Dazs.”

— Dan Vebber, Hayley Smith (voice), Rachael MacFarlane, imdb.com

“Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn? Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.”

— Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com

“Helga: Not girl enough, humph, what a bunch of crap, I am too a girl, I'm pretty, I'm feminine, I'm delicate. Helga bumps into someone who's a man Man: Oh, excuse me, young man. Helga: I'm a GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL!”

— Dan Povenmire, Craig Bartlett, Joe Ansolabehere, Steve Viksten, Helga Pataki (voice), Francesca Smith, imdb.com

“Would you rather be groped in a bus or groped in a bar, and also what were you wearing, you filthy skank?”

— Isabella Giovannini, mcsweeneys.net

“Don't pout. It’s not attractive in a woman your age.”

— Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, Damon Salvatore, Ian Somerhalder, imdb.com

“I have to go exploit some women in the name of grief.”

— Brian Young, Damon Salvatore, Ian Somerhalder, imdb.com

“Trapper: You have a lot of trouble with women, don't you? Hawkeye: Every chance that I can!”

— Larry Gelbart, Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

“When a woman is president, they'll suddenly make first lady an official paid position. They will hire someone to do it. The minute a man has to do it, it'll become a real job.”

— Shonda Rhimes, Chris Van Dusen, Mellie Grant, Bellamy Young, imdb.com

“Women like going to a nice restaurant, it's a universal truth.”

— Shonda Rhimes, Raamla Mohamed, Harrison Wright, Columbus Short, imdb.com

“Part of being a woman is having a friend one day and calling her a slut the next.”

— Trey Parker, Bebe's Mother, April Stewart, imdb.com

“She said 'vagina.' A woman said 'vagina.'”

— Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, Mac, Rob McElhenney, imdb.com

“You bet your ass I'm wearing women's underwear!”

— Sonny Lee, Patrick Walsh, Dennis Reynolds, Glenn Howerton, imdb.com

“Im gonna take my bra off, blast my nips.”

— Rob McElhenney, Scott Marder, Rob Rosell, Artemis, Artemis Pebdani, imdb.com

“Frank: There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both! Dee: Wow, That's my dad everyone!”

— Charlie Day, Frank Reynolds, Danny DeVito, imdb.com

“Rebecca: Umm, my ovaries are eking out into my Fallopian tubes and they're wrapped around... Darryl: Okay, we'll see you when you're feeling better. Rebecca: Wow, men are stupid.”

— Rachel Bloom, Aline Brosh McKenna, Rebecca Bunch, Rachel Bloom, imdb.com