Quotes tagged ‘dick’

“Female Counsel: Agent Greer, we're not doctors. Tom Greer: Honey, I don't know what you are. I mean, for all I know, you could be some big, fat dude sitting in his stim chair with his dick hanging out.”

— John D. Brancato, Michael Ferris, Tom Greer, Bruce Willis, imdb.com

“[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit’s] Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap. Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker! Mac: Awesome prank, Farva. Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac! Captain O’Hagan: Look, fellas... Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook!…”

— Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Mac, Steve Lemme, imdb.com

“President Camacho: Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of French fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution. South Carolina Representative #1: That's what you said last time, dipshit! South Carolina Representative #2:…”

— Mike Judge, Etan Cohen, President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, Terry Crews, imdb.com

“Lucky Day: Not so fast, El Guapo! Or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil! El Guapo: What do you mean? Lucky Day: I don't know. Jefe: I think he means that if you... El Guapo: Shut up!”

— Lorne Michaels, Randy Newman, Lucky Day, Steve Martin, imdb.com

“Candy: You know, I don't think you have enough money in your wallet for that tonight. Leonard: Come on, Candy. You get paid more than usual for it. How do you know? Candy: How do I know? Leonard: Yeah, how? Candy: Because nobody actually likes getting fucked in the ass, even as pretend. You don't wa…”

— David Simon, Candy, Maggie Gyllenhaal, imdb.com

“Dylan was a known dick drawer.”

— Tony Yacenda, Dan Perrault, Peter Maldonado, Tyler Alvarez, imdb.com

“If you have a dick, you need to shut the fuck up on this one. Seriously. This is theirs. The right to choose is their unequivocal right. Not only do I believe they have the right to choose, I believe that they shouldn’t have to consult anybody, -except for a physician…about how they exercise that ri…”

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, imdb.com

“Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.”

— Mike Myers, Garth Algar, Dana Carvey, imdb.com

“He only gave me our scenes. I never saw a complete script. After all I've done for that guy, and it's a lot that you don't even know about. What a dick.”

— Jim Jarmusch, Cliff Robertson, Bill Murray, imdb.com

“I get into bed with her. She’s totally naked, and she’s got one of these stripper asses that is rock hard. It looks like a cartoon in Playboy. I was getting ready to do her doggy-style. And there’s her ass up in the air that’s just perfection, as is the rest of her. I get my dick in. And if I say I…”

— Gilbert Gottfried, amazon.com

“I was just slamming every chick, smoking all the dope, doing all the drugs. You’re young, you’re successful, you’ve got a million dollars in the bank, and you think your dick’s invincible. But then that big disease came: AIDS. And it was like [screams].”

— Ozzy Osbourne, amazon.com

“All I do is masturbate. I beat my dick like it owes me money. My dick got a restraining order out on my hand. I woke up one morning and my dick was dialing 911.”

— Tracy Morgan, amazon.com

“That is not your boyfriend's dick. Do not come early.”

— Damien Chazelle, Andrew Neiman, Miles Teller, imdb.com

“Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'm thirsty.”

— David Ayer, Alonzo Harris, Denzel Washington, imdb.com

“Billy, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed if your dick gets hard. Your dick is supposed to get hard. See? That's the whole object of this. Taggart's dick is hard, but he won't let you know 'cause he's the boss. Boss' dick got to stay limp, right? See, I ain't on duty so my dick can be hard.”

— Danilo Bach, Daniel Petrie Jr., Det. Axel Foley, Eddie Murphy, imdb.com

“I'm gonna sack you so hard your dick's gonna go into your throat and your gonna choke on your dick and die!”

— Chris Romano, Eric Falconer, Thad Castle, Alan Ritchson, imdb.com

“Emerson Hauser: Run along and play now. Rebecca Madsen: Thanks for being a dick about it.”

— Elizabeth Sarnoff, Steven Lilien, Bryan Wynbrandt, Rebecca Madsen, Sarah Jones, imdb.com

“For Christ sake's, Thom, you suck the same dicks we all do. Wincing at the taste doesn't make you a better person, it just makes you a worse whore.”

— Shalom Auslander, Jonathan Cooke, Bradley Whitford, imdb.com

“You're a dick move! Okay”

— Chuck Lorre, David Javerbaum, Tae Kwon Doug, Michael Trucco, imdb.com

“It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect. Hold it like you'd hold a woman.”

— Kevin Smith, Brodie Bruce/Banky Edwards, Jason Lee, imdb.com