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George Costanza

185 quotesUnited States Of America · Male

George Louis Costanza is a character in the American television sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), played by Jason Alexander. He has variously been described as a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man" (by Elaine Benes and Costanza himself) and "Lord of the Idiots" (by Costanza himself). George and Jerry were junior high school friends and remained friends afterwards. He is friends with Jerry Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer, and Elaine Benes. George appears in every episode except "The Pen" (third season). The character was originally based on Seinfeld co-creator Larry David but is surnamed after Jerry Seinfeld's real-life New York friend, Mike Costanza. Alexander reprised his role in an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, reuniting with Jerry Seinfeld and Wayne Knight (also reprising their roles as Jerry and Newman, respectively). 2Early life and family George is the son of Frank (Jerry Stiller), an Italian-American and Estelle Costanza (Estelle Harris), presumably Jewish-American. George twice mentions that he has a brother (although never again after season 3). Lloyd Braun is his childhood nemesis who George feels was the son his parents always wante

All Dating (16)Attraction (11)Sex (10)Self-deprecation (6)Breakups (6)Relationships (6)Women (5)Baldness (5)Lesbianism (4)Revenge (4)Irony (4)Mental Illness (4)lying (4)New York Yankees (3)Employment (3)

From “The Parking Garage”

Boy, those Scientologists. They can be pretty sensitive.

Scientology Sensitivity

I should've hit the little son-of-a-bitch. I can't stand kids. Adults think it's so wonderful how honest kids are. I don't need that kind of honesty. I'll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day.

kids Honesty Adulthood Deception

I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.

Neurosis self-harm

From “The Cafe”

Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?

Nice Bad Sick Society

You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.

Disappointment Secrets Parents Ventriloquism

You know, people think I'm smart, but I'm not smart.

Intelligence Self-deprecation

She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice, but women don't like nice….Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society we are living in, when nice is bad?

nice guys Men Women Dating Attraction

From “The Tape”

No baldness; it'd be like a nation of Supermen.

Baldness Supermen

From “The Nose Job”

I mean, I should be grateful someone like her even looks at me. I have no job, nothing. But I have to say, I think about the nose. I don't want to think about the nose. I don't ask to think about the nose, but I think about it. I go to bed at night, I tell myself, ‘Don't think about the nose, forget…

Rhinoplasty Big Noses

From “The Stranded”

I don't like when a woman says, ‘Make love to me.’ It's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her.

Impotence Making Love Intimidation

I can always tell when a woman likes me, they always somehow let you know. With me, they could torture me, I wouldn't tell them. If anything I'd try to make them think I don't like them, then they think, ‘Oh, look at this guy, he's not even looking at me, he must have something going for him.’

Aloofness Attraction Game Theory

You haven't won. You may think you've won, but you haven't won. Do you know why? It's not over. This is not over. I'm not forgetting what's happening here. You have my ten dollars. I will get it back. All right, don't worry. It's not over. I'm going now. Goodbye. I will be back.

Revenge Shoplifting

From “The Red Dot”

So we started drinking, and I'll tell you I don't know if it was the alcohol or the ammonia, but the next think I knew she was mopping the floor with me.

Sex Drunk Alcohol

From “The Pez Dispenser”

A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It's absolutely brilliant.

Breakups Preemptive Breakups Dating Upper Hand

Lunch is fine at the beginning, then you move on to dinner. You don't move back to lunch. It's like being demoted.

Dating Lunch Dinner

I'm very uncomfortable. I have no power. I mean, why should she have the upper hand. Once in my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand—no hand at all. She has the hand; I have no hand.

Comfort Dominance Submission Relationships

From “The Suicide”

I've never assisted in a birth before. It’s really quite disgusting.

Childbirth Gross disgusting

From “The Fix-Up”

She missed her period? Oh my god. I can't believe it! I'm a father! I did it! My boys can swim! I can do it! I can do it!

menstruation Sperm periods Fertility Pregnancy

I left three messages. I can't believe this woman. She has sex with me, leaves ten minutes later, then I never hear from her again. What kind of a person does this? I mean, she used me. I feel cheap and violated.

Voicemail Ghosting Sex Violation

I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless, you don't care, and when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive.

Hope Indifference Attraction Hopelessness

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