Unknown

1,631 quotes

“You’ll never be the man your mom is.”

“If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”

“I believed in evolution until I met you.”

“People like you are the reason I’m on medication.”

“You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.”

“Earth is full. Go home.”

“I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see that you’ve already got one.”

“Your family tree must be a cactus, ’cause you’re all a bunch of pricks.”

“You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid, anyway.”

“The village called. They’d like their idiot back. You better get going.”

“Stupidity’s not a crime, so feel free to go.”

“I’d tell you how I really feel, but I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to express myself in this case.”

“I was hoping for a battle of wits, but it would be wrong to attack someone who’s totally unarmed.”

“Please just tell me you don’t plan to homeschool your kids.”

“It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.”

“Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.”

“You always bring me so much joy...as soon as you leave the room.”

“There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.”

“Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?”

“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”