“I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move? With any luck, right after he graduates college.”Tagged: Pregnancy Jokes, Wordplay
“What’s the difference between a nine-month-pregnant woman and a supermodel? Nothing—if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.”Tagged: Pregnancy, dad jokes
“An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-trainer walk into a bar. I know this because they told everyone who they were within five minutes.”Tagged: Vegan, Atheist, Cross-Training, Anti-Jokes
“Why did the chicken cross the road? To get its egg back. Why did it need to get its egg back? It was rolling down the hill. Why was the egg rolling down a hill? The farmer chose to build his farm on a hillside. Why did the farmer build his farm there? To be closer to the marketplace where his…”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, why did the chicken cross the road jokes
“Why did the chicken cross the road? To get its egg back.”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, why did the chicken cross the road jokes
“Why did the blonde jump off of the cliff? She was depressed and wished to end her life.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, Anti-Jokes
“What’s the worst part of four black guys driving off a cliff in a Maserati? They were my friends.”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Maserati
“A man goes into a bar. He has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eye patch. The man says to the bartender, ‘Ask me about my dog.’ Unfortunately, the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the other end of the bar. When he comes around to the…”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Dogs
“What’s the best time to schedule a dentist’s appointment? Exactly six months after your last one. Tooth decay and gum disease are not a fucking joke, Deborah.”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Dentist Jokes
“Me: ‘I know a great knock-knock joke, want to hear it?’ Them: ‘Sure!’ Me: ‘Okay, cool, you start.’ Them: ‘????????’”Tagged: Knock-Knock Jokes, Anti-Jokes
“A horse walks into a bar and the barman says: ‘Hey buddy. Why the long face?’ The horse looks up and says, ‘I just found out I have incurable bowel cancer and my wife is leaving me.’”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Why the long face?
“What’s worse than stubbing your toe on something in the dark? The Holocaust.”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Holocaust
“What looks just like a lemon, feels just like a lemon, smells just like a lemon, even tastes just like a lemon, but you shouldn’t eat it? Somebody else’s lemon.”Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Lemon
“How many Catholic priests does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one usually, unless perhaps it’s high up and somebody else is needed to hold the ladder steady.”Tagged: Anti-Christian, Anti-Catholic, Anti-Jokes, Lightbulb Jokes
“Why couldn’t Helen Keller screw in a lightbulb? Because she’s dead.”Tagged: Helen Keller Jokes, Lightbulb Jokes, Anti-Jokes
“What do you get when you don’t pay your exorcist? Repossessed!”Tagged: exorcist, Demonic Possession, Double Entendre