Season 1

“Ash: Okay, look, there is no way in hell they're gonna stay here, 'cause they're gonna get possessed, then they're gonna be on the night train to Kill-adelphia. Kelly: With stops in Choke-lahoma City, and Die-ami. Ash: Nice. Kelly: I thought you'd like that.”

— Rob Wright, Kelly Maxwell, Dana DeLorenzo, imdb.com

“Ash's Hand: Maybe I grew another hand, or maybe the hand grew another me. What's the difference, Amanda? What's important is I can give you everything you want, and I want you. Is that so bad? I mean come on, a minute ago, you wanted me, too. Amanda: Yeah, that's before I found out you were just som…”

— M.J. Bassett, Amanda Fisher, Jill Marie Jones, imdb.com

“Don't you get it? Everybody dies here. It's just a rule. Death, taxes, more death, and I don't pay taxes. So all I know is death.”

— M.J. Bassett, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Ash's Hand: Kelly, when you were in junior high school, you told me you busted a stained glass window of a church. Kelly Maxwell: By accident. Ash's Hand: Then you punched a nun in the face. Kelly Maxwell: She was being so dramatic about that stained glass, and she hit me first.”

— Rob Wright, Kelly Maxwell, Dana DeLorenzo, imdb.com

“Militia: I'm gonna get you pregnant later. Kelly: Won't your sister be jealous of us?”

— Ivan Raimi, Sean Clements, Dominic Dierkes, Kelly Maxwell, Dana DeLorenzo, imdb.com

“Life is hard and dangerous, and sometimes you just gotta chop off somebody's head to survive.”

— Ivan Raimi, Sean Clements, Dominic Dierkes, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“I want a flamethrower. I'm serious! I lost my parents, got possessed. Flamethrower seems fair.”

— Ivan Raimi, Sean Clements, Dominic Dierkes, Kelly Maxwell, Dana DeLorenzo, imdb.com

“Hey listen, if it's cool, I just wanna sit here and enjoy this place for a while. I've always wanted to spend time in 'The City So Nice, They Named It Jacksonville.'”

— James Eagan, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Ash: Eli! You can speak?! Eli: In here I can. It's your trip, Jefe. Ash: Nice, you know I've always wanted to talk to you. Uh, just don't mention the stuff I do in the trailer when we're there alone. Eli: Never. Ash: All right then.”

— James Eagan, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Pablo: Kelly, you need to be careful of revenge. My uncle, he always said, 'Pablito, beware anger, fear revenge." If once you start down that path, forever, it will dominate your destiny. Consume you, it will.' Kelly: Did you just Yoda quote me?”

— Nate Crocker, Pablo Simon Bolivar, Ray Santiago, imdb.com

“Pablo: Um, but reading from the book is what caused all this trouble to begin with, so... Ash: Yeah, that's true, but reading from it again can't make things any worse. It's kinda like spilling paint on a painting. It's okay 'cause there's already paint on it. Pablo: That is incorrect.”

— Sean Clements, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Brujo: Come, I'll look inside of you. Ash: Good, check the old prostate while you're in there?”

— James Eagan, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Ash: Lionel, you find a wimpy demon yet? Lionel: Uh, nothing that says wimpy specifically, but I have found a-a minor demon named Eligos. Possesses knowledge of hidden things, a-a demon of the mindscape. Ash: Well, perfect. Sounds like a total nerd.”

— Sean Clements, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“I've learned you can always make things more painful.”

— Sean Clements, Ruby Knowby, Lucy Lawless, imdb.com

“Ash: Alright, look, we get this done quick enough, we might have time to stop for churros. And look, that's not a racist thing, Pablo. That's just a great dessert. Pablo: You know I'm not Mexican, right? Ash: That's the spirit!”

— Sean Clements, Pablo Simon Bolivar, Ray Santiago, imdb.com

“Kelly: You know they were Jewish, right? Ash: I-I did not. Wish you could have said somethin' before I made those dumb crosses, but, okay.”

— Dominic Dierkes, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Suzy: Evil will walk the Earth! Ash: Yeah, well, your cooking was shit.”

— Dominic Dierkes, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Ash: Well, now that you're back, what's your big plan? Suzy: Well, just try to get everything back to normal. Ash: Normal? Ha. What's normal? Suzy: Family, work. Ash: Work? Work, where? Suzy: Oh, I'm an English teacher. Ash: What grade? Suzy: Tenth. Ash: What's your favorite book? Suzy: 'The Old Man…”

— Dominic Dierkes, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Yeah, I remember when I was like you. Young, dumb, full of... conflicting emotions.”

— Dominic Dierkes, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com

“Ash: It's good to be back. Pablo: How does it feel? Ash: Groovy.”

— Sam Raimi, Tom Spezialy, Ivan Raimi, Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams, Bruce Campbell, imdb.com