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MAS*H

(41 total)

The 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital is stuck in the middle of the Korean war. With little help from the circumstances they find themselves in, they are forced to make their own fun. Fond of practical jokes and revenge, the doctors, nurses, administra

Seasons

Season 1 (7)Season 2 (6)Season 3 (9)Season 4 (7)Season 5 (5)Season 6 (1)Season 7 (5)Season 8 (1)

Characters

Alan Alda (23)Hawkeye Pierce (20)Larry Gelbart (16)Larry Linville (11)Major Franklin Marion Burns (11)Laurence Marks (9)Maxwell Klinger (4)Jamie Farr (4)Everett Greenbaum (3)James Fritzell (3)

Klinger: What's this morning's breakfast? Trapper: Last night's dinner. Klinger: Great, that was yesterday's lunch.

— Larry Gelbart, Maxwell Klinger, Jamie Farr, imdb.com

Dinner Lunch breakfast Monotony

Frank: Klinger, I want to see you out of that dress...tonight! Klinger: Never on a first date, sir!

— Larry Gelbart, John D. Hess, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Transvestitism

The instrument has yet to be devised that can test my indifference to that remark.

— Everett Greenbaum, James Fritzell, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Indifference

Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head.

— Mary Kay Place, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Psychiatry

Hawkeye: Let's make a pact about drinking. Trapper: All right. Hawkeye: Let's never stop.

— Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Drinking Alcoholism

I'm not sleeping, I'm inspecting the inside of my eyelids.

— Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

not sleeping excuses Alibis

I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-ka…

— Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Guns harakiri Pentagon cary grant old virginia

I just don’t know why they’re shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to st…

— Laurence Marks, Larry Gelbart, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Freedom Achievement Flatulence tension American Dream

Hawkeye: Great little war we have here. Radar: I could do without it.

— Sheldon Keller, Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

War Pacifism

Trapper: You have a lot of trouble with women, don't you? Hawkeye: Every chance that I can!

— Larry Gelbart, Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

trouble Women Double Entendre

Individuality is fine—as long as we all do it together.

— John Regler, Gary Markowitz, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Individuality Conformity

Margaret: They love you, Frank. Frank: It was their hatred that fooled me.

— Sheldon Keller, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Love Hatred

Henry: You were ordered to stand down! Hawkeye: I did, but I fell up again.

— Sheldon Keller, Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Drunk stand down

Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.

— Richard M. Powell, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Hero Tired cold Hungry don't give a damn

Frank: I didn't come here to be liked. Radar: You certainly came to the right place.

— Laurence Marks, Corporal Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly, Gary Burghoff, imdb.com

Disliked

Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a fifty-fifty chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No 'saints in surgical garb'. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns a…

— Laurence Marks, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Surgery War Battle Guns bombs

I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me!

— Larry Gelbart, Major Franklin Marion Burns, Larry Linville, imdb.com

Paranoia

Henry: I assume you've all read my notice concerning the recent crime wave. Hawkeye: I would've read it, but the notice was stolen.

— Hal Dressner, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Crime

Frank Burns: [spotting Hawkeye browsing through his personal shelf] What are you doing up there? Hawkeye Pierce: I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank. Frank Burns: Since when are you two interested in the Bible? Trapper John McIntyre: I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.

— Larry Gelbart, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Bible The Devil Did It

Lt. Dish: Hawkeye, I'm trying to be faithful. How many times must I tell you I'm engaged? Hawkeye Pierce: I'm engaged, too, think of me as a dress rehearsal. Lt. Dish: A girl can only take so much. Hawkeye Pierce: Are we anywhere near that part yet?

— Larry Gelbart, Hawkeye Pierce, Alan Alda, imdb.com

Sexual Harassment Engaged Faithful Dress Rehearsal

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