Show

Seinfeld

by Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Cherones, Barbara Stock and 696 others

Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998. It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version

(684 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (15)Season 2 (55)Season 3 (101)Season 4 (109)Season 5 (97)Season 6 (82)Season 7 (83)Season 8 (79)Season 9 (59)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (476)Larry David (265)Jason Alexander (179)George Costanza (179)Michael Richards (99)Cosmo Kramer (99)Larry Charles (92)Peter Mehlman (91)Elaine Benes (59)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (59)

“So I'm on the plane, we left late. Pilot says we're going to be making up some time in the air. I thought, well isn't that interesting? We'll just make up time. That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the sp…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Flying, Airplanes, Punctuality

“Is Florida not hot and muggy enough for these people? They love heat. I mean if they ever decide to land men on the sun, I think these old retired guys would be the only ones that will be able to handle it. They'll just sit there on the sun, on the redwood benches, washcloth on the head going: ‘Clos…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Florida, Heat, Humidity, Elderly

“You need some new material. I've heard you do that dog routine three times already.”

— Larry David, Uncle Leo, Len Lesser, imdb.com

Tagged: comedy, Jokes, Repetition

“What is going on in this community? Are you people aware of what's happening? What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Muzak, Retirement Homes, Neurosis

“Have you ever noticed how they always give you the peanuts on the planes?”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: comedy, corny

“It's only for three days. Today's over and we have tomorrow. We leave on Sunday. It's one day, really.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Vacations, procrastination

“I have never seen an old person in a new bathing suit in my life. I don't know where they get their bathing suits, but my father has bathing suits from other centuries. My parents live in Florida, and if you go down there and you forget your bathing suits then they want you to wear one of theirs. Yo…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: bathing suits, Elderly, Florida

“We've tried all kind of arrangements, but we can't seem to be friends when we sleep together.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: FWB, Exes, friendzone

“Why is it so difficult, uncomfortable, to be naked? It's because when you have clothes on you can always kinda make those little adjustments that people like to do ... you feel like you're getting it together, yeah, yeah pretty good, feeling good looking good. But when you're naked it's like it's so…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Nudity, Body Positivity

“What causes homophobia? What is it that makes a heterosexual man worry? I think it's because men know that deep down we have weak sales resistance. We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right. Men think, ‘Obviously I can be talked into anything. What if I accidentally wand…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Homophobia, Men

“Kramer, you know you are always welcome in my home but as far as Mr. Johnson is concerned, that's another story.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Nudity

“It moved! It was imperceptible but I felt it.”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Homophobia, massages

“The truth. you want the truth? It is your earrings It is the chopsticks but it's so much more. You're pretentious. You call everyone by their full name You call my doorman, Sammy, ‘Samuel,’ but you didn't even say ‘Samuel’ You went ‘Sam-U-EL.’ ‘Pappy-ay muh-shay?’ What is Pappy-ay muh-shay?”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Pretentious, Truth

“I'm not a foodie. I don't, ‘Oh, this is too rare. Oh, it's too salty.’ Just eat it and shut up. I'll eat anywhere, whatever they're having. I have eaten rotten rolls off of room service trays in hotel hallways. I have. It's not a joke. This is my life. I don't know, somebody left it. Why would someo…”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Foodie, Snobbery, Comedians

“Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Hunger, Cannibalism

“Does anyone ever display the slightest sensitivity over the problems of a fellow individual? No. No. A resounding no!”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Sensitivity

“You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Society, civilization

“Every woman on the face of the earth has complete control of my life. And yet, I want them all…is that irony?”

— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Lust, Women, Irony, manipulation

“I don't even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It's much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans and garbage men. You're never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Cops, Sanitation, Garbage Men, Crime

“What did you go out with me for?! Just to dump chocolate on my shirt and then just dump me altogether?! I don't deserve that kind of treatment! What, you don't have the common courtesy to return my calls?! To apologize! You think I'm some sort of a loser, that likes to be abused and ignored?! Who's…”

— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Revenge, Masochism, disease, Anger, Apologies