South Park

“The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Cartman: Aw...dude. You shot him in the dick. Butters: Huh? Cartman: That's not cool Butters. You don't shoot a guy in the dick. Butters: But I was just trying to stop him and you said— Cartman: It doesn't matter, Butters! You never shoot a guy in the dick! Everyone knows that! Shooting a guy in the…”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Kyle: Do you really think my hat is stupid? Stan: As a matter of fact, I think it is the nicest hat I have ever known.”

— Kenny Hotz, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“They're not people! They're hippies!”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“'Mr. Mackey is gay.' OK, kids, that's not funny, m'kay! This box is supposed to be used for serious questions, about serious issues, m'kay? Let's stop the tomfoolery. M'kay, let's look at a real one here. 'Dear Mr. Mackey, you are gay.' All right, all right, that is enough, kids! Let's quiet down an…”

— Mr. Mackey, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Rob Schneider derp DE derp. Derp DE derpity derpie derp. Until one day, a-derp a-derp a-derp a-derp. Derp DE derp, DE tittaly tum. From the creators of 'DER' and 'TUM TA TITTALY TUM TA TOO', Rob Schneider is: 'DA DERP DEE DERP DA TEETLEY DERPEE DERPEE DUMB.' Rated PG-13.”

— Trey Parker, TV Announcer, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“It is sometimes hard, in times like these, to understand God's way. Why would he allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that we must understand, God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He d…”

— Trey Parker, Father Maxi, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Kyle: You guys! I have awesome news! Cartman: You have AIDS?”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“I'm not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“This is terrible, dude. Maury Povich parades these poor people around on his show like carnival freaks and then gives them prizes at the end as if to justify it. What a dick!”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!”

— Glasgow Phillips, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Part of being a woman is having a friend one day and calling her a slut the next.”

— Trey Parker, Bebe's Mother, April Stewart, imdb.com

“Why? How could you do this? There are people starving in Alabama! And you give Cartman a million dollars?!”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Well, they can't say fag, you have to be a homosexual to say that.”

— Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Dag nabbit, children! How come every time you come in here, you gotta be asking me questions that I shouldn't be answering?! 'Chef, what's a clitoris?' 'What's a lesbian, Chef?' 'How come they call it a rim job, Chef?' For once, can't you just come in here and say 'Hi, Chef. Nice day, isn't it?'”

— Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.”

— Trey Parker, Butters, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Here's a little dreidel that's small and made of clay. But I'm not going to play with it 'cause dreidel's friggin' gay.”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Speak to me, Helen. Let me be your voice. [nothing happens] Come on, you blind bitch! Channel your spirit through me!”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: Now, kids, we're going to talk about sexual harassment. Cartman: Is sexual harassment when you're making out with a girl and a guy tickles your balls from behind? Mr. Garrison: No, Cartman, That's not sexual harassment.”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com