South Park

“Where has my country gone? Where has my country gone? It was a land of opportunity that we held dear But now all these other assholes are coming here.”

— Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“A ring that says you’d be together but not have sex. Isn't that called a wedding ring?”

— Butters, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“[turns around] Alright, y'all, keep your eyes peeled and your guns ready. [spits something out, wipes his lips clean with the back of his shirt sleeve, and returns to patrolling the border] There's a heap of Mexicans out there who want nothing more than to sneak past our border, and we've got to sto…”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Cartman: You were right, doctor. Everything is okay. Doctor: No, it's not. Eric, I'm afraid we accidentally infected you with the AIDS virus.”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mom! Dad! I have awesome news! The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex-change said he could make me tall and black!”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? ... Jewbs!”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Jesus: We have no choice, Kyle, You're going to have to kill me. Kyle: What! Jesus: Stab me with this! [shows Kyle the nail file] If I die I can resurrect outside the bars. Kyle: No way! Do it yourself. Jesus: Suicide is blasphemy. There's no choice here, Kyle. Kyle: Dude, you don't understand. I'm…”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Stan: Dude, are you okay? Kyle: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm swell, Stan. I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence into Cartmanland and it got infected. I really need to go to the bathroom, but if I do, it will pop again and the pain will make me pass out. How are you?”

— Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Alright, go home, you little semen-puking asshole dick head.”

— Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Jimmy: What-what's the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies? Cartman: We're twice the ninjas you fags are!”

— Trey Parker, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“[writing] Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about. [aside to Mr. Hat] Oh, yeah, Mr. Hat! Hot lesbo scene coming up! And as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused. 'Go on,' Rebecca said softly. 'Touch…”

— Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“No, dude, independent films are those black-and-white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.”

— Nancy Pimental, Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“So Jesus died and then three days later he had an erection.”

— David A. Goodman, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Hey, everybody, have you seen my balls? They're big and salty and brown! If you ever need a quick pick-me-up, just stick my balls in your mouth! Suck on my Salty Chocolate Balls! [high-pitched voice] Put 'em in your mouth! [normal singing voice] Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em and suck 'em! Suck…”

— Nancy Pimental, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!”

— Nancy Pimental, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Terrance: Scott really hates us, Phillip. Phillip: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic. Terrance: But we're not gay, Phillip. Phillip: We're not?”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Terrance, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Chief Running Water: I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native Americans call 'bear with wiiiide canyon.' Cartman: Huh? Chief Running Water: She is 'doe who cannot keep legs together.' Cartman: What? Chief Running Water: Your mom's a slut. Cartman: Hey!”

— David A. Goodman, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“What has happened to this place I don’t recognize it anymore It used to be so fun and special What is life worth living for The dream is dead Our land is gone There’s a hole in my heart And I can’t go on There are too many minorities (minorities) At my water park (my water park) This was our land, o…”

— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“How-dy-ho!”

— Dave Polsky, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Hankey, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: And where are you from, Damien? Damien: The seventh layer of hell! Mr. Garrison: Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com