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1,631 quotes

“How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.”

“Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.”

“What do you call a blonde with an actual brain? A golden retriever.”

“Why don’t blondes talk during sex? Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.”

“What do screen doors and blondes have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.”

“How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.”

“Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender? She was trying to make Apple juice.”

“What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? They both swallow a lot of seamen (AKA semen).”

“What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘I wonder if it’s mine.’”

“Why do blondes love boob jobs? It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.”

“How do you know if a blonde’s been using your computer? You’ll find Wite-Out all over the screen.”

“Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end? Because they say ‘concentrate.’”

“What’s every blonde’s dream in life? To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.”

“What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios? ‘OMG! Donut seeds!’”

“Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months? Because the box said it was for ‘two to four years.’”

“How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says ‘lather, rinse, repeat.’”

“How do you keep a blonde busy? Write ‘flip’ on both sides of a sheet of paper.”

“Why do blondes tiptoe past medicine cabinets? So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.”

“Love is blind. Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.”

“How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man? Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.”