“What’s the difference between ‘incomplete’ and ‘finished’? A man without a wife feels incomplete. Once married, he’s finished.”Tagged: Incomplete, Finished, Marriage, Loneliness, Destruction
“Wife: ‘I love you.’ Husband: ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ Wife: ‘It’s me. Talking to the wine.’”Tagged: husband, Wife, Wine, Drunk
“What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Find a woman who can cook and clean. A woman who’s an animal in bed. A woman with lots of money. Make sure these three women never meet.”Tagged: Secret Secrets, Marriage, Happy Marriage, Cooking, cleaning
“What’s the difference between men and women? Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake their entire marriage.”Tagged: Men, Women, Faking Orgasm, Marriage, Faking Marriage
“How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you.”Tagged: Bacon, Marriage, Wife, Murder
“What’s the best way to love thy neighbor? When her husband’s away on business.”Tagged: Love Thy Neighbor, Cheating, Marriage
“What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife? A wife accepts credit cards.”Tagged: Prostitute, Wife, Credit Cards, Marriage, Irony
“What do wives and hurricanes have in common? On arrival, they’re wet and wild. When they leave, they take the house and car with them.”Tagged: wives, Hurricanes, Divorce, Alimony, Divorce Settlements
“What’s the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks.”Tagged: Wife, Job, Oral Sex, Marriage
“Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing out all the Ws.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, M&M, Dyslexia
“Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? She was desperately trying to make up her mind.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, lipstick
“How do you confuse a blonde? You don’t. They’re born that way.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, Confusion, Born That Way
“Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears? Because they’re desperately trying to hold in a thought.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes
“What do blondes do when their laptop freezes? Microwave them.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, Microwave Ovens, Laptop
“What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, pregnant, Lightbulb Jokes
“Why do blondes make awful bank robbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, Bank Robbers, blowjobs
“Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, Drinks, Alcohol, Double Entendre
“What do blondes and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, Dog Shit
“Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears? To avoid getting hearing AIDS.”Tagged: Dumb Blonde Jokes, condoms, AIDS, Hearing Aids, Puns