Show

Seinfeld

by Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Cherones, Barbara Stock and 696 others

Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998. It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version

(684 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (15)Season 2 (55)Season 3 (101)Season 4 (109)Season 5 (97)Season 6 (82)Season 7 (83)Season 8 (79)Season 9 (59)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (476)Larry David (265)Jason Alexander (179)George Costanza (179)Michael Richards (99)Cosmo Kramer (99)Larry Charles (92)Peter Mehlman (91)Elaine Benes (59)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (59)

“You see those tears streaming down, you don't know what to do. It was like she was on fire and I was trying to put her out.”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Breakups, Crying, Tantrums, manipulation, Guilt

“Spring. Rejuvenation. Rebirth. Everything's blooming. All that crap.”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Springtime, Flowers, Rebirth, Rejuvenation

“It can never be erased. It'll follow us wherever we go for the rest of our lives. I'll never be able to get a job. I mean, doesn't that concern you? Everything I've worked for...down the drain because of one stupid mistake. I mean, aren't we entitled to make one mistake in our lives, Jerry?”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Kidnapping, Criminal Record, Social Stigma, Shame, Fall From Grace

“They're prisons. Manmade prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. ‘Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?’”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Marriage, Prison, Submission, Boredom, bathroom

“I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: bathrooms, Bathroom Doors, inventions, Privacy

“And you broke up with her 'cuz she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Breakups, Chess

“Well, look at it this way. We drop the dog off in front of somebody's house in the country. They find it and adopt it. Now the dog is prancing in the fields. Dancing and prancing. Fresh air. Dandelions. We're doing this dog a real favor.”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Kidnapping, Animal Abuse, Cruelty to Animals, Fresh Air, Dogs

“OUR LIVES! What kind of lives are these? We're like children. We're not men.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Immaturity, Pointlessness, Children, Men, Adulthood

“Then in the distance I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately, I was wearing my Italian Captoe Oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price: $…”

— Marjorie Gross, Carol Leifer, J. Peterman, John O'Hurley, imdb.com

Tagged: J. Peterman, Fashion, Oxfords, Leather, Men's Shoes

“Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.”

— Marjorie Gross, Carol Leifer, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Understudies, Substitute Teachers

“Anyway, I um, I just want to say that I'm sorry. I lost my temper and I probably shouldn't have. I took it out on you and, look, if I've caused you any problems as a result of my behavior, well then, I'm sorry. I apologize. Even though, Barry, between me and you, we both know that you started it. I…”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Chimpanzees, Apologies, Half-Hearted Apologies

“So, my dear, you think you can get to Broadway. Well, let me tell you something. Broadway has no room for people like you. Not the Broadway I know. My Broadway takes people like you and eats them up and spits them out.”

— Marjorie Gross, Carol Leifer, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: broadway, Understudies, Show Business

“No one is touching my feet. Between you and me, Elaine, I think I've got a foot odor problem.”

— Marjorie Gross, Carol Leifer, Frank Costanza, Jerry Stiller, imdb.com

Tagged: Feet, Podiatry, Pedicures, Foot Odor

“Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side?”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: East Side, Society, antisocial

“You have any idea how fast these things deteriorate when there's an ‘I love you’ out of the bag? You can't have a relationship where one person says, ‘I love you’ and the other says, ‘I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat.’”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: I Love You, Reciprocity, Hunger, Relationships

“Hey, how come people don't have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack, why can't it be a meal, you know? I don't understand stuff like that.”

— Larry David, David Puddy, Patrick Warburton, imdb.com

Tagged: Jocks, Dudebros, Dumb Questions

“Yeah, except you don't really have any black friends. Outside of us, you don't have any white friends, either.”

— Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Tom Gammill and Max Pross, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Racial Pandering, Tokenism, Interracial Friendships

“I mean, now she thinks that I'm one of these guys that love her. Nobody wants to be with somebody that loves them.”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Love, friendzone, Aloofness

“He stopped short? That's my move. I'm gonna kill him!”

— Marjorie Gross, Frank Costanza, Jerry Stiller, imdb.com

Tagged: Sex, Threats, Sexual Moves

“Take toilet paper, for example. Do you realize that toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime? It's just paper on a cardboard roll, that's it. And in ten thousand years, it will still be exactly the same because really, what else can they do?”

— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Toilet Paper, inventions, Dating