Show

Seinfeld

by Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Cherones, Barbara Stock and 696 others

Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998. It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version

(684 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (15)Season 2 (55)Season 3 (101)Season 4 (109)Season 5 (97)Season 6 (82)Season 7 (83)Season 8 (79)Season 9 (59)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (476)Larry David (265)Jason Alexander (179)George Costanza (179)Michael Richards (99)Cosmo Kramer (99)Larry Charles (92)Peter Mehlman (91)Elaine Benes (59)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (59)

“I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: They're meaningless!”

— David Mandel, Peter Mehlman, Newman, Wayne Knight, imdb.com

Tagged: Zip Codes

“That reminds me of the Haitian Voodoo rattle torture! You haven't gone over to their side, have you?”

— Bruce Eric Kaplan, J. Peterman, John O'Hurley, imdb.com

Tagged: Haiti, Voodoo, Torture

“I've seen moles so big they have their own moles. Freckles that cover two men.”

— Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Darin Henry, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Dermatology, Moles, Freckles

“Well, I just stomped some pigeons in the park. They—they didn't move.”

— Bruce Eric Kaplan, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Pigeons, Animal Abuse

“You're in trouble, Kramer. I shouldn't even be talking to you, but I'm telling you as a friend. Here's how it's going to happen: You may be walking. Maybe on a crisp, autumn day just like today. When a mail truck will slow beside you and a door will open, and a mailman you know, maybe even trust, wi…”

— Spike Feresten, Newman, Wayne Knight, imdb.com

Tagged: Mail, Revenge, Kidnapping

“You call yourself a lifesaver. I call you pimple popper MD!”

— Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Darin Henry, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Dermatologists, Acne

“George, we've had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits.”

— Spike Feresten, Frank Costanza, Jerry Stiller, imdb.com

Tagged: Parents, Disowning

“Oh yeah, you've got three pints of Kramer in you, buddy.”

— Dan O'Keeffe, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Blood Transfusions

“Jerry, I know myself. If I'm out on the street and it starts to go down, I don't back off until it's finished.”

— Dan O'Keeffe, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Blood, Street Fights, Combativeness

“You've got ‘shiksappeal.’ Jewish men love the idea of meeting a woman that's not like their mother.”

— Steve Koren, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Shiksas, Jewish Men, Attraction, Jewish Mothers

“1%? They can kiss 1% of my ass!”

— Steve Koren, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: 1% milk, Anger

“Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'Serenity now!'”

— Steve Koren, Frank Costanza, Jerry Stiller, imdb.com

Tagged: Motivational Tapes, Psychology, Blood Pressure

“Serenity now. Insanity later.”

— Steve Koren, Lloyd Braun, Matt McCoy, imdb.com

Tagged: Serenity, Mantras, Insanity

“Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

— David Mandel, Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Breakups, Coke Machines

“What's the deal with lampshades? I mean if it's a lamp, why do you want shade?”

— David Mandel, Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Bad Jokes, Lampshade

“I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!”

— David Mandel, Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Foreign Currency, travel, Annoyance, Threats

“Jerry, let's face it, I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it. Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage. Huh? There was a guy that worked at the Yankees—no arms! He got more work done than I did, made more money, had a wife, a family, drove a be…”

— David Mandel, Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Handicapped, Success, New York Yankees

“What's the deal with airplane peanuts?”

— Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Airplane Peanuts, Jokes, Standup Comics

“Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other there's a chance they might somehow kiss.”

— Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Catfights, erotica, Lesbianism

“Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on people’s heads. Story like that has got to be true.”

— Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Raquel Welch, Prima Donnas, Divas, Temper, Violence Against Planned Parenthood