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1,631 quotes

“What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off. A priest sucks them off.”

“What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair.”

“What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.”

“What do women and noodles have in common? Both wiggle when you eat them.”

“How is being in the military like getting a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.”

“What did one of the prostitute’s knees say to the other? How come we spend so little time together?”

“What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.”

“How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly? If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.”

“Why don’t little girls fart? They don’t get assholes ’til they’re married.”

“Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger? She just couldn’t take it any longer.”

“What do you call two men fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.”

“What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.”

“What do priests and McDonald’s have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.”

“How are gay people like mice? They both hate pussies.”

“How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.”

“What’s better than a cold Bud? A warm bush.”

“What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks.”

“What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this shit.”

“Why are men like diapers? They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.”

“What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.”