Show

Seinfeld

by Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Cherones, Barbara Stock and 696 others

Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998. It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version

(684 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (15)Season 2 (55)Season 3 (101)Season 4 (109)Season 5 (97)Season 6 (82)Season 7 (83)Season 8 (79)Season 9 (59)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (476)Larry David (265)Jason Alexander (179)George Costanza (179)Michael Richards (99)Cosmo Kramer (99)Larry Charles (92)Peter Mehlman (91)Elaine Benes (59)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (59)

“All right, all right. All right you go ahead. You go ahead and keep it secret. But you remember this. When you control the mail, you control...information.”

— Carol Leifer, Newman, Wayne Knight, imdb.com

Tagged: Mail, USPS, Mailmen, Threats

“I like to feel cozy. I have a very small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in. Love to be nestled.”

— Andy Robin, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Cozy, Claustrophobia

“You're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? I invented ‘it's not you, it's me.’ Nobody tells me it's them not me; if it's anybody, it's me.”

— Carol Leifer, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Breakups, It's Not You It's Me

“You don't eat Oreos? The way you break them open? You're practically having sex with them.”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Oreos, Sex, Gluttony

“Did I find it all right? I mean could you send me to a more dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag, 'accuse I'll be lying there on the street in this neighborhood and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll…”

— Larry Charles, The Mohel, Charles Levin, imdb.com

Tagged: Ghettos, Slums, danger, Bad Neighborhoods, Robbery

“One more peep out of you and I'll slice you up like a smoked sturgeon.”

— Larry Charles, The Mohel, Charles Levin, imdb.com

Tagged: Threats, Sturgeon

“Don't believe them when they tell you it doesn't hurt. It hurts bad. It hurts really bad. Imagine, this will be his first memory. Of someone yanking the hat off his little man. I know you love your baby, but what kind of perverts would stand idly by while a stranger rips the cover off his 9-iron and…”

— Larry Charles, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Circumcision, Pain, Foreskin

“Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breathe and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, e…”

— Larry Charles, The Mohel, Charles Levin, imdb.com

Tagged: Mohel, Circumcision, High-strung

“Oh, Jerry, wake up to reality. It's military thing. They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors.”

— Larry Charles, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Pig Man, Pig Warriors, Military

“The pig man! I saw a pig man! He was just lying there and then he woke up. He looked up at me and made this horrible sound.”

— Larry Charles, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Pig Man

“Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry, 'cause that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your child 'cause this is the time to exercise it when baby is crying in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you insane?”

— Larry Charles, The Mohel, Charles Levin, imdb.com

Tagged: Circumcision, Mohel, Judaism

“Well, I was 14 years old. I was in my friend’s bathroom. His mother's brassieres were hanging on the shower rod. I picked it up, studied it. I thought, I like this. I didn't know what way or what level, but I knew: I wanted to be around brassieres.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Bras, Adolescents, Job Interviews

“I've never heard a relationship being affected by punctuation.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: punctuation, Relationships

“How long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Frank Costanza, Jerry Stiller, imdb.com

Tagged: Bras, Underwear

“Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel....”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Newman, Wayne Knight, imdb.com

Tagged: Tuesday, Monday, Friday, Sunday

“He could've had any woman in the world…but none could match the beauty of his own hand…and that became his one true love.”

— Larry David, Photographer, Michael Metz, imdb.com

Tagged: Hand Modeling, masturbation

“Jerry, you are promoting a benefit to CLOTHE homeless people. You can't come out dressed like that! You're all puffed up! You look like the Count of Monte Cristo!”

— Larry David, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: homeless people, Count of Monte Cristo, Charity Events

“Remember that night I found you at Dinky Donuts? You were all hopped up on cinnamon swirls! They wouldn't serve you anymore! You wouldn't even have any teeth if it wasn't for me taking you over to Joe's fruit stand and stuff a cantaloupe down your throat! So much for gratitude...yeah, yeah, yeah!”

— Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Tom Gammill and Max Pross, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Sugar Addiction, Addiction

“But I don't want to be a pirate!”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Puffy Shirt, pirates

“It's a, a puffy shirt. Well, yeah, it—it's all puffy. Like the pirates used to wear.”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Puffy Shirt, pirates