“What do you call an unpredictable, out-of-control photographer? A loose Canon.”Tagged: Photographers, Canon, Cameras, Puns
“The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite, so he went back four seconds.”Tagged: time travel, Hunger, Puns, Homonyms
“Some people say their wedding was the best day of their lives. I’m guessing they’ve never had two candy bars fall out of the vending machine simultaneously.”Tagged: Marriage, wedding, candy, Irony
“Wife: ‘Can I spend $20,000 on breast implants?’ Husband: ‘Why don’t you just rub toilet paper all over your chest?’ Wife: ‘I don’t get it.’ Husband: ‘Worked on your ass, didn’t it?’”Tagged: Marriage, husband, Wife, Breast Implants, Toilet Paper
“Husband [in front of the mirror]: ‘Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and bald?’ Wife: ‘I do.’”Tagged: looks, Aging, Marriage, ugly, fat
“Wife [in front of the mirror]: ‘I feel ugly. Give me a compliment to make me feel better.’ Husband: ‘Your vision is absolutely perfect.’”Tagged: looks, Mirror, ugly, husband, Wife
“Husband: ‘Wanna know when you orgasm next.’ Wife: ‘I’d rather not interrupt you at work.’”Tagged: orgasm, Satisfaction, Marriage, masturbation, Cheating
“How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.”Tagged: Sex, Satisfied, Marriage, Wife, dirty
“What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.”Tagged: Bride, Groom, Bridal Shower, Irony, dirty
“Single guys often dream about having a smart, beautiful, caring wife. So do most married men.”Tagged: Single, married, Misery, Marriage
“Why didn’t the man speak to his wife for years on end? She told him never to interrupt.”Tagged: Silent Treatment, Marriage, Unhappy Marriage
“Which one of your kids will never grow up and move out of the house? Your husband.”Tagged: Failure to Launch, Marriage, husband, Immaturity
“What does every heterosexual man realize ten years into marriage? Why ’gay’ also means happy.”Tagged: Heterosexual, Homosexual, gay, straight, Happy
“What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long sweet dream. Marriage is more of a nightmare.”Tagged: Love, Marriage, Dream, Nightmare
“Husband: ‘Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right!’ Wife: ‘Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong!’ Husband: ‘Fine! I’m wrong!’ Wife: ‘Finally, something you’re right about!’”Tagged: Marriage, argument, Right, Wrong
“I’ve spent five years searching for my husband’s killer. Still can’t find anyone to do it.”Tagged: Domestic Violence, Domestic Murder, Irony
“What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”Tagged: Love, Marriage, Love Is Blind
“How is a wife like a freezer? It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet.”Tagged: Wife, Freezer, Defrosting, Vaginal Lubrication, arousal
“How are marriages like fat people? Most of them don’t work out.”Tagged: Marriage, Fat shaming, Weight Gain