Season

Season 8

by Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, Andy Ackerman and 160 others

Season eight of Seinfeld, an American comedy television series created by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, began airing on September 19, 1996, and concluded on May 15, 1997, on NBC.

(79 total)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (30)George Costanza (19)Jason Alexander (19)Spike Feresten (13)Peter Mehlman (12)David Mandel (12)Steve Koren (12)Cosmo Kramer (11)Andy Robin (11)Michael Richards (11)

“Trust me, Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.”

— Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Threats, Murder

“You were completely right. I sleep so much better when I'm alone. And you scream in your sleep.”

— Peter Mehlman, Emily, Sarah Silverman, imdb.com

Tagged: Sleeping, Sleeping Alone, Insomnia

“Listen to the comeback. ‘Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They're running outta you.’”

— Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Comebacks, Zingers, Sick Burns

“As much as I'd like to see the two of you living it up in a warm, tropical setting, I, I would just miss you too much. So I've decided I want you to stay.”

— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Parents, Empty Nest, Florida, New York

“I couldn't get there in time to stop it, but you should have seen Little Jerry, Jerry! Flappin' his wings and struttin' his stuff! He was peckin' and weavin' and bobbin' and talkin' trash! He didn't even have to touch him! The other rooster ran out of the ring. The whole fight lasted two seconds.”

— Jennifer Crittenden, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Cockfighting, Little Jerry Seinfeld, Talking Trash

“Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?”

— Jennifer Crittenden, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Cockfights, Marriage, Adulting

“Are you saying that I could be dating this hair? With you under it?”

— Jennifer Crittenden, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Baldness, Shaved Heads, hair

“I've tried it straight, Jerry. We've all seen the results. For me, sick is the only way to go.”

— Jennifer Crittenden, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Ex-Cons, Dysfunctional Relationships, Dating

“Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like ‘American Gladiators.’”

— Jennifer Crittenden, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Cockfights, American Gladiators

“Oh my God...you're in jail? That is so cool!”

— Jennifer Crittenden, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Jail, Dating

“In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.”

— Spike Feresten, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: bald, Obesity, Stupid, Tragedy, Horror

“I can't be with someone who doesn't break up nicely. I mean, to me, that's one of the most important parts of a relationship.”

— Spike Feresten, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Breakups, Still Friends, Relationships

“I found out he's a bad breaker-upper…you know when you break up, how you say things you don't mean? Well, he says the mean things you don't mean, but he means them.”

— Spike Feresten, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Breakups, Cruelty, mean, Bad Breaker-Upper

“To Hawaii. The most sought-after postal route of them all. The air is so dewy-sweet you don't even have to lick the stamps. But it's not to be, so I'm hanging it up.”

— Spike Feresten, Newman, Wayne Knight, imdb.com

Tagged: Hawaii, Postal Routes, Humidity, Mailmen

“There must be something exciting about this guy if he can arouse that kind of passion.”

— Spike Feresten, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Bad Breaker-Uppers, Passion, Breakups, Vengeful Exes

“I'm sorry, Elaine. I always knew that after I became a doctor, I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor.”

— David Mandel, Steve Koren, Ben, Bob Odenkirk, imdb.com

Tagged: doctors, Players, Dating

“Rugged? The man's a goblin. He's only been exposed to smoke for four days. By the time this case gets to trial, he’ll be nothing more than a shrunken head.”

— David Mandel, Steve Koren, Jackie Chiles, Phil Morris, imdb.com

Tagged: Rugged, Goblins, smoking, Lawsuits, Tobacco

“This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”

— David Mandel, Steve Koren, Jackie Chiles, Phil Morris, imdb.com

Tagged: Public Humiliation

“Miss Wilkie, your tobacco company has turned this beautiful specimen into a horrible, twisted freak.”

— David Mandel, Steve Koren, Jackie Chiles, Phil Morris, imdb.com

Tagged: smoking, Lawyers, Lawsuits, Freaks, Hyperbole

“Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure...my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.”

— David Mandel, Steve Koren, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: face, Visage, Livelihood, Vanity