Show

Seinfeld

by Larry Charles, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tom Cherones, Barbara Stock and 696 others

Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998. It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version

(684 total)

Seasons

Season 1 (15)Season 2 (55)Season 3 (101)Season 4 (109)Season 5 (97)Season 6 (82)Season 7 (83)Season 8 (79)Season 9 (59)

Characters

Jerry Seinfeld (476)Larry David (265)Jason Alexander (179)George Costanza (179)Michael Richards (99)Cosmo Kramer (99)Larry Charles (92)Peter Mehlman (91)Elaine Benes (59)Julia Louis-Dreyfus (59)

“According to most studies, people's number-one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! Now, this means to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

— Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Public Speaking, Fear, Death, funerals, Eulogies

“I got news for you: Handicapped people, they don't even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That's why those spaces are always empty.”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Handicapped People, Disabled People, Parking, Handicapped Parking Spots

“She dumped me! She rolled right over me! Said I was a hipster doofus. Am I a hipster doofus?”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Rejection, Getting Dumped, Hipsters, Hipster Doofus

“I love the name ‘Isosceles.’ If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.”

— Larry David, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Isosceles Triangles, Naming Children

“Why do we need B.O.? What is the function of it? Everything in nature has a reason, has a purpose, except B.O. Doesn't make any sense—do something good, hard work, exercise, smell very bad. This is the way the human being is designed. You move, you stink. Why can't our bodies help us? Why can't swea…”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: body odor, Nature, Laundry

“Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back.”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Lesbianism, Heterosexuality

“Don't you understand what I'm saying to you? This is not just an odor—you need a priest to get rid of this thing.”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: body odor, Priests, Exorcism

“You don't understand what I'm up against. This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine. Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench.”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: body odor, Stench, odor

“Y’know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now. It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her.”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Lesbianism, Attraction, Breakups

“Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: odor, Stench, Bad Smells, Hard of Smelling

“A lesbian sighting. Oh-ho! My lucky day. They're so fascinating. Why is that? Because they don't want us. You gotta respect that.”

— Larry David, Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Lesbians, Respect, Attraction, Self-deprecation

“Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint—it's delicious.”

— Andy Robin, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com

Tagged: Junior Mints, chocolate, Peppermint, Temptation

“Who are you to play God? Every man's time comes! If his number is up, who are you to interfere?”

— Andy Robin, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Fate, Euthanasia

“He was a fat starving artist, y’know. That's very rare.”

— Andy Robin, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: Obesity, Starving Artists

“Well, that's the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight.”

— Andy Robin, Elaine Benes, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, imdb.com

Tagged: weight loss, Illness, Irony

“I think you're both mentally ill. And by the way...they're real, and they're spectacular.”

— Peter Mehlman, Sidra, Teri Hatcher, imdb.com

Tagged: Breast Implants, Mental Illness

“A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.”

— Peter Mehlman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld, imdb.com

Tagged: Leg Men, breasts, Attraction

“You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again. That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip—just take one dip and end it.”

— Peter Mehlman, Timmy, Kieran Mulroney, imdb.com

Tagged: Double Dipping, disease

“I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.”

— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Sexual Harassment, Fantasies

“Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.”

— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

Tagged: Quitting, quitters, Heredity