Unknown

1,631 quotes

“The village called. They’d like their idiot back. You better get going.”

“I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Stupidity’s not a crime, so feel free to go.”

“I’d tell you how I really feel, but I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to express myself in this case.”

“I was hoping for a battle of wits, but it would be wrong to attack someone who’s totally unarmed.”

“Please just tell me you don’t plan to homeschool your kids.”

“It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.”

“Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.”

“You always bring me so much joy...as soon as you leave the room.”

“There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.”

“Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?”

“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”

“The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.”

“I was pro-life. Then I met you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t get that. I don’t speak bullshit.”

“Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.”

“I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.”

“Please, keep talking. I only yawn when I’m super-fascinated.”

“Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.”

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.”