South Park

“Mr. Garrison: I feel kinda nauseous. Tom: Yes, that's to be expected. We did some major reconstruction, sawed through some bone, snapped some cartilage, all the blood and mucus just the sound of bone and sinew coming apart. [makes disgusting noises of bone and blood] Mr. Garrison: Arrgh! Tom: By the…”

— Andrew Borakove, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: The new law states, can't sing any songs having to Jesus or Santa Claus. Cartman: Thanks to Kyle's mother. Kyle: Shut up, Cartman! Mr. Garrison: So anybody knows any non-Santa or non-Jesus, Christmas song. [Cartman raises his hand] Mr. Garrison: Yes, Eric? Cartman: How about we sing Ky…”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: Kyle, is there anything you can do for the Christmas play that isn't related to Jesus? Sheila: How about the dreidel song, boobie? Kyle: I can sing the Mr. Hankey song. Mr. Garrison: The Mr. Hankey song, how does that go? Kyle: [singing] Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me and I…”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: You know, I think I've learned something today. It's really easy not to think of images on TV as real people, but they are. That's why it's easy to ignore those commercials but people on TV are as real as you or I. Kyle: That means that MacGyver is a real person, too!”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Cartman: Starvin' Marvin, that's my pot pie! Stan: Cartman, you butt pipe! This is the time of year you're supposed to share! Cartman: Oh yeah! Are you going to eat all of your peach cobbler, Starvin' Marvin? Aw, you don't want all that, why don't you share it with me, NEH? NEH, NEH, NEH?”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Cartman: Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk? Mr. Garrison: I don't know, Eric, they just do. [Kyle sniffs Kenny in disgust]”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Damien: [sadly] Well, goodbye, guys. It was nice getting to know you. Stan: You're leaving already? Damien: I have to. My Dad's always on the move. [He walks away sadly.] Stan: Wow, I feel kinda bad for that kid. Kyle: Yeah, just when he was being accepted he has to leave and start over. Stan: Paren…”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Damien Thorn, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Cartman: Ants in the Pants?! ANTS IN THE PANTS?! Kyle: It's a game, dude. It's really fun. Cartman: You son of a bitch! You were supposed to get me red megaman! Now I can't make Ultra Mega Megaman! You dirty cheap ass piece of crap! Kyle: They were all out of them, Dude! Cartman: I hate you! I want…”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: Man, recess sucks without any slides or nothing. Cartman: [Damien approaches] Oh, here comes the unholy butthole now. Hey! Thanks a lot for burning everything down, you little bitch! Damien: I a-pologize for ruining your playground and turning your friend into a duck-billed platypus. I was doi…”

— Matt Stone, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Damien: Everybody hates me. Mr. Mackey: Well, uh, why do you suppose that is? Damien: Because I'm the son of the Devil. Mr. Mackey: Uh-huh, that's a good start. Why else? Damien: Because I...burn and kill them?”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Damien Thorn, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Pip: Oh, good day, Damien. My name is Phillip, but everyone calls me Pip, because they hate me. Damien: Then I will call you Pip. Pip: Right-o.”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Pip Pirrip, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Mr. Garrison: And where are you from, Damien? Damien: The seventh layer of hell! Mr. Garrison: Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.”

— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Mr. Garrison, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Stan: If my mom could cook like Cartman's mom I'd be a big fat ass, too! Cartman: That's right! [realizes he's been insulted] AY!”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Oh, really? Gosh, where could I have put Pip's invitation? Oh, yeah, now I remember! I shoved it up my ass! Yeah, I wrote it out, put it in an envelope, sealed it, and, whoop! Shoved it up my ass, forever ruining any chance you had of coming to my birthday party. Sorry, Pip old chap.”

— Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“[imitating Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video clip] I'm going to make love, even when I'm dead. My body might get cold, but it's always hot in bed! Make love, don't you be afraid! Just because my heart isn't beating, doesn't mean you won't get laid!”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“Cartman: Go back to Endor, you stupid Wookie! Kyle: Wookies don't live on Endor.”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“You gotta respect my authora-tah!”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Chef: [talking to Cartman, who's dressed like a Klansman] Remind me to whoop your ass good next time I see you.”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com

“Stan: Aw man, I feel like a total choad. Cartman: Aw come on, Stan. Maybe that's because you look like a total choad. Chef: Hello there, Children! Cartman: Hey, Chef! Chef: [after looking at Cartman who's dressed like a Klansman] Aah! Cartman: Whoa, Chef's really scared of ghosts, huh?”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Stan Marsh, Trey Parker, imdb.com

“Officer Barbrady: You're probably wondering why we're standing here with a pile of money and no pants on. Chef: Actually— Mayor: Well I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese Mafia. Officer Barbrady: Not a thingy-dingy.”

— Philip Stark, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Chef, Isaac Hayes, imdb.com